Elle's Corner

sawasawako:

the way you can resent your parents but also sympathise with and ache for them… so sick

(via 1eedonghun)

likesparky:

me, looking back on it all:

(via memes-to-show-my-therapist)

anxietyproblem:

hisgirlfreitag:

a friendly reminder that microaggressions against asians can also look like this:

• pretending to gag at asian food
• pretending to be weirded out by asian customs and cultures
• excusing cultural appropriation (often through ignoring the stories of asians who have been mocked for wearing their ethnic dress while praising a white person for doing so)
• not trying to learn how to pronounce an asian person’s ethnic name correctly, or asking, “can i call you by something else?”
• adopting an asian name for the ~aesthetic~
• using the words “oriental” and “exotic” to describe asian people, particular asian women
• ignoring the experiences and stories of south, southeast, and central asians
• making sweeping assumptions about asian countries (including their political, historical and cultural landscape)
• treating the entire asian community as a monolith and ignoring the fact that the experiences of asian nationals are remarkably different from the asian diaspora/migrant community
• co-opting asian aesthetics into creative media without acknowledging their history

(via gamerwoo)

baconnotbaekhyun:

ME WAITING FOR EXO BE LIKE:

(via yehet-me-up)

neoyorzapoteca:

“If teen girls — or young women — are encountering adult men socially, they are navigating norms and expectations that were built to rationalize men’s behavior. They are not inured to power imbalances or how power may complicate consent. They are not historically taught to leave a sexual encounter the moment that it becomes violent or to subordinate men’s desires in favor of their own pleasure or safety. They are taught to be responsible for the actions of sexual predators, who receive a vast margin of plausible deniability. When I’ve met 18-year-olds in the last couple years, I have been struck by the fact that even if someone is precocious, it is their youth that makes them precocious. If you can still be considered “mature for your age,” you are not an older person’s equal. This observation can easily go from an act of respect to license for harm.”

— Tavi Gevinson: Britney Spears Was Never in Control

(via tinyfaerie)

inkskinned:

Relationships are not transactional. My mama always said they were more like a dance. This friendship is a foxtrot, all light feet and laughter. A waltz of old friends, the tango of the unspoken almost-something, the maybe-modern maybe-classic ballet/rhumba variation of best friends that simply see a movement and fall in step.

It is important, is all, to notice how often you extend a hand and lead the waltz. How often they leave you, hand out, hurting. Would they pick you up from the sidelines. Would they make some fragile excuses. Is this person your dance partner or are they your ruin. Do they care about you, baby. Will they cross the floor backwards on heels. Will they be there when you falter. How quickly do they forget you. What do you feel.

(via hhjs)

one-abuse-survivor:

idk-anymore-dude:

one-abuse-survivor:

[Image description: five slides with black text over a grey background that read as follows:

Gaslighting by abuser parents looks like… “You’ve always been like this. You’ve always had trouble remembering things. You’ve always loved making up stories. You were a crazy/evil child.” Acting friendly and casual around you right after abusing you, as though nothing just happened or it wasn’t a big deal. “You’re crazy/delusional/imagining things.” “That never happened. And if it did, it wasn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.” “You’re a liar. You’re trying to make me look bad.” “Oh, yeah, [victim] will be spending the weekend with us!” (Pretending everything is normal even after you’ve tried to set boundaries such as cutting them out of your life). “I don’t know what I could’ve possibly done to deserve this treatment from you.” (Acting clueless, hurt, and like they genuinely don’t know why you’re hurt/mad even after you’ve opened up to them about the pain they caused you).

In reality… You’re not crazy. You’re not “delusional”. Your memories aren’t lying to you: your abuser is. You’re not lying to make them look bad: lying is something you consciously DECIDE to do, and all you’ve decided to do is be honest about your feelings and memories. They know perfectly well what they’ve done to you. They remember. They just want you do doubt your perception and memory to have control over you and to ensure you can’t hold them accountable. No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one has a right to decide what “actually” goes on inside your own mind. End image description]

These are just some examples of things abusers say to make you doubt your perception and memories of their abuse (taken from personal experience and the stories of people who have messaged me). Feel free to add your own examples if they’re not listed here and if you want to help spread awareness about what gaslighting looks like!

Can people gaslight you without being abusive? Or can people do abusive things on accident?

I’m not a mental health professional, just a survivor, but with that being said, I’d say the answer to both questions is yes.

There’s a lot of grey area between abusive and healthy behaviours, and I do think people can gaslight you once or twice without even realising what they’re doing and without causing you trauma/abusing you. Gaslighting, such as many other behaviours, is a red flag of emotional/psychological abuse and toxicity, though, so if you think someone is gaslighting you or being gaslit it’s definitely important to watch out for other signs or patterns of abuse.

And, yes, people can be abusive on accident. Media often paints all abusers as cold-blooded, heartless and selfish, and usually as people who have decided they want to traumatise others on purpose (picture an old man sitting on a sofa surrounded by empty beer bottles yelling at his wife and children). And many abusers are like that, of course. But just as many of them are people who seem normal on the outside, but who are hurt, or going through a lot, or have decided they’re victims in this life, and use their own personal struggles to overstep other people’s boundaries or lash out at them. Often, they’re parents who aren’t prioritising their kids’ needs and safety and are exposing their kids to their problems, letting their anger out in front of/onto their kids, or not taking physical or emotional care of them because they lack a proper support system. Or they’re people whose parents exhibited toxic/abusive behaviours and who internalised and adopted those behaviours, mimicking them towards others (such as friends, partners, colleagues…) unconsciously.

But, most importantly, abusers often seem (and even genuinely are) so utterly convinced that they’re good people that it can be impossible to think of them as abusers, because surely if they were abusive they would be trying to hurt you on purpose, and not feeling like their reaction is justified because they’re hurt or struggling.

But whether they’re doing it in cold blood or completely by accident, they’re still abusive, no matter how hurt they are or how much they try to rationalise and justify their behaviour. It being unconscious, accidental, or “justified” in the abuser’s (and even the victim’s) head doesn’t make it any less abusive or traumatic.

I hope this helps!